NEWS JUST IN

Madonna has said she is is saddened to hear of Jordan and Peter Andre’s marriage break-up. She also wants first refusal on the blind black kid if neither of them want it.

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*GOVERNMENT HEALTH WARNING* If you experience symptoms like bad breath, sweaty underarms and an irrational fear of pigs, please do NOT panic! You do not have swine flu, you are just a paki.

Only fools….

Well I for one am shocked and embarrased by David Jason’s outburst on Christian O’Connell’s Absolute Radio show the other day. I can’t believe he would have the audacity to say he’s not going to make any more episodes of Frost. Nana’s across the country have gone without heating all winter to pay for that precious TV licence, and for what?! Now they’re back to watching repeats of ‘Murder She Wrote’ and ‘Highway to Heaven’  just cos he cant be arsed to say a few lines.

Oh yeah and he told a racist joke live on air.

Speaking live on air on Tuesday, Sir David said: “What do you call a Pakistani cloakroom attendant?”

After a pause, he said: “Mahatma coat.”

I say racist…it’s not really racist now is it? Racism is in the eye of the beholder. And as he says, its a play on words. He didn’t for one second think what was coming out of his mouth was past the mark. It’s like when your Gran refers to Black people as coloureds…. ”Oooh you can’t say that these days Nana, thats offensive.” Leave the old cunt alone I say. He got a bit confused, probs didn’t take his medication.

It didnt get a single complaint though. Not one! Saying that the listeners are probably the same old beggars who were in the audience of that Mrs Merton show back when Bernard Manning was on. Remember that shit? The young tart off ‘The Royale Family’ who used to get dressed up as an old woman in a candy floss wig and then interview z-list celebrities? Groundbreaking stuff. Anyway, Bernard Manning, if you dont know, was a notoriously racist blue comedian from the old school. And he’s going off on one - blacks this and blacks that. She’s getting madder and redder, trying her best to stay in character. Does her best under p.c. Daily Mail deputation, but the whole time the audience are pissing themselves (maybe literally).  Someone should have pointed out that if you stage a show in Manchester and fill up the audience with grandmothers, there’s a fair chance most of them will find Bernard Manning funny. Priceless TV. But then they show clips of it over Christmas in ’The best 100′ blah blah blah shows as if she got the upper hand and stuck him in his place?! That’s not how I remember it. Bitch never did another series though, funny that eh?

Iron wheels

I hear Stephen Hawking went out on a date last night. He returned with a broken hip,  smashed collarbone and scratches all up his legs.

She stood him up.

Fritzl ma nitzzle

Elizabeth Fritzl attended her fathers trial at an Austrian court today….having just eaten a full cooked breakfast. Well, someone could told her she still had Daddies sauce all round her mouth and down her top!

NEWS FLASH

News just in from the White House…

George Bush’s wallet is missing already

The best t-shirt in the world?

also in the autumn/winter range, “Fatwa or bust”.

72 virgins

Legend

stop arson about

I got an invite to a big family BBQ at a mansion in Shropshire……

plenty of beer, but sadly, no Fosters.

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Police have released the bodies from the burnt out mansion, they are now cold.

Well you wouldnt want a warm Fosters would you!