G up there

The age old debate re those rouge headed devils popped on to my screen today in the form of this news story from last year. The headline? ‘Student beat up on ‘kick a ginger day”. Engrossing. It seems the Canadians are just as down with the g-force as us Brits.

doyle

 I had a ginger friend once….until I shot him. Im joking!! No really I do, I honestly do have ginger friends…..Well, I say ‘friends’, maybe thats the wrong word. Ok, now I serious,, I DO have a ginger friend –  I keep him locked up under the stairs. Ha ha ok ok, sorry, Im kidding…he’s in the shed. Come on, I wouldnt let a ginny in my flat now would I? Thats like when you invite a vampire in to your home – it renders you powerless.

Dont get me wrong here its obviously bad for anyone to discrimiate against a person purely based on the colour of their hair. But just look at this kid. I bet he gets his arse kicked everyday..wouldnt matter if he had black, brown or blonde hair. Wouldnt matter if he had a hoverboard for fucks sake. Kids know when they see a nancy boy piss face and thats all there is to it. He’s got that look in his eyes that says “Sir, I know who broke that window” or “Mummy Mummy, can we go shopping for my new school blazer” or “when I grow up, I want to touch kids”.

Actually, shit, he looks a lot like a young Simon Amstell…..he was a cunt too.

Anyways, I’ll leave you with the comment from ‘Josef Fritzl’ towards the bottom of that news story.

Josef Fritzl

Tue, Jan 13, 09 at 02:08 PM

I don’t see what the big deal is. They are only gingers, it’s not like they are people or anything. We should just sterilize all gingers and people who carry ginger genes, then after a generation the ginger problem would resolve itself.

war of the cunts

Well, what with the full scale war thats gannin on between the government and the media right now, I thought Id throw me 2p worth in to the pot.

So lets get this straight…..its pretty tough to favour one particular side when both playing teams are so obviously knobbers. That being, power hungry titanic fucko’s who’s only goal is to line their own pockets, generate control and suck the living piss out of the mass populus yet but still appear as innocent as Thora Hird sucking on a lollypop.

First up – the goverment. Back patting elistist sloppy dog shit procrastonists in expensive suits. Reality is this way you question dodging cunts.

Then theres the tabloids. Less and less antagonists are speaking out against these low life felchers for fear of the day their picture will be published squarely across the front page of a tabloid, with a headline ending in ‘..three times a day gay sex dad’. Protection rackets go back to the beginning of time, only these days a boss can bleach his teeth and reinvent himself on bully ball ache Saturday night telly as a ‘nice’ guy. Fuckers.

At least there a few people willing to stick their neck out. Thank christ for Charlie Brooker. In his last episode of Newswipe he managed to single-handedly sum up the state of propaganda proceedings and still get the thing aired. Genius. I notice the BBC pulled it from their catchup schedule in rapid time and I doubt theyll treat you to a repeat any time soon. So instead…here it is in its entirity. Enjoy.

 done

Final thought:

A great man once said…If Max Clifford is so good at PR, how come everyone thinks he’s a cunt?

That’s amazing, looks just like them!

I remember not so long ago, when I was strolling past Liverpool Street station and saw who I thought coming towards me was someone, I believed, was from from my distant past. Now, not quite managing to work out who it actually was before that crunch passing, and the fact he was also glancing a look at me and had a kind of recipracation in his eyes, I went out on a limb. “Alright mate?”.

“Yeah good cheers”, he replied.

Well wasnt I gutted when I realised only 3 steps later that he was in fact, not an old aquaintance, but  the actor Todd Carty, that famous ex Eastenders AIDS victim. Good job I didnt shake his hand I hear you say…no worries, all cuts were covered up.

In the same vain, or possibly not (in fact theres no correlation whatsoever) come this next lot. Here are individuals so unbelievably untalented and yet mysteriously motivated that they actually make a living (do they?) from being a bad xerox in the world of celebrity. I mean come on,  who’s the ginger guy supposed to be….?! Anyone?

Only fools….

Well I for one am shocked and embarrased by David Jason’s outburst on Christian O’Connell’s Absolute Radio show the other day. I can’t believe he would have the audacity to say he’s not going to make any more episodes of Frost. Nana’s across the country have gone without heating all winter to pay for that precious TV licence, and for what?! Now they’re back to watching repeats of ‘Murder She Wrote’ and ‘Highway to Heaven’  just cos he cant be arsed to say a few lines.

Oh yeah and he told a racist joke live on air.

Speaking live on air on Tuesday, Sir David said: “What do you call a Pakistani cloakroom attendant?”

After a pause, he said: “Mahatma coat.”

I say racist…it’s not really racist now is it? Racism is in the eye of the beholder. And as he says, its a play on words. He didn’t for one second think what was coming out of his mouth was past the mark. It’s like when your Gran refers to Black people as coloureds…. ”Oooh you can’t say that these days Nana, thats offensive.” Leave the old cunt alone I say. He got a bit confused, probs didn’t take his medication.

It didnt get a single complaint though. Not one! Saying that the listeners are probably the same old beggars who were in the audience of that Mrs Merton show back when Bernard Manning was on. Remember that shit? The young tart off ‘The Royale Family’ who used to get dressed up as an old woman in a candy floss wig and then interview z-list celebrities? Groundbreaking stuff. Anyway, Bernard Manning, if you dont know, was a notoriously racist blue comedian from the old school. And he’s going off on one - blacks this and blacks that. She’s getting madder and redder, trying her best to stay in character. Does her best under p.c. Daily Mail deputation, but the whole time the audience are pissing themselves (maybe literally).  Someone should have pointed out that if you stage a show in Manchester and fill up the audience with grandmothers, there’s a fair chance most of them will find Bernard Manning funny. Priceless TV. But then they show clips of it over Christmas in ’The best 100′ blah blah blah shows as if she got the upper hand and stuck him in his place?! That’s not how I remember it. Bitch never did another series though, funny that eh?

Turtles Head

Watch this…

“When the Turtles entered my life, they taught me..to be self aware.”

HUH???!!?!?!??!?!!

Well “BULL…SSSSSHIT Mr Hanman, you come right out of a comic book!” Obviously this bird wasnt listening to those gay lizards too closely when they said ‘be self aware’.  Fuck, if she had even the slightest idea of how spasticated she looks, she’d be pulling the trigger before I have time to finish this sentence.

And what was that other pearl of wisdom she knocked out …”never hide behind a wall of who you really are.” But who are you, bitch? I can tell you if you like? You’re some sad pathetic misguided heffer who lives her life through the imaginings of two desperate artists, who themselves were parodying the genre of popular comic books in the first place. “Never hide behind…” Oh shut the fuck up you mentalist. You should hide behind something…..like a reversing lorry or a fighter jets afterburner.  Take a look in the mirror for one second, you fucking ‘tard! This shit isnt real. Don’t you understand? ITS MADE UP…total fiction…not real…fake….get it? Just cos you have a prosthetic head from some shitty kids movie doesn’t mean you are any bit less of the arse wipe you were before you bought it. ‘Hey, Im sorry, didnt recognise you there Leonardo…haha…I thought you were just another fat Yank bint from disturbia till you put your head back on…fancy some pizza, dude?’

And whats the deal with those crazy pizza toppings anyway? ‘Hey here’s one I prepared earlier..its one of my own personal adaptations- the dog shit and wasp deep pan supreme. MMMMmmm delicious. Save me a slice of that, Donatello…follow your heart, man.’

A Tribute….?

OK! Magazine’s latest issue, an ‘official tribute’ to Jade Goody, has been criticised by the online community and some of the star’s relatives.

Messages from the public on the web have included comments like, “sick”, “you vultures”, “really disgusting” and “truly awful bad taste”.

Well theres another soul to join the ranks of Jim, Jimi, Janis et al in the 27 club. Dont you think theres a really weird kind of paradox goin on here? Consider the people writing in to complain that OK! have put this rubbish on our shelves. 10 minutes earlier they thought nothing of it and that maybe even OK! magazine were nice guys for putting up their cash to the cause. But woah wait a sec, youre telling me that OK! magazine didnt really give a shit about Jade Goody, and were in fact in this only for monetary gains? NO! This cant be right.

Of course theyll make money, and she’s made money. Surely the whole point of her doing the story was to generate more cash for her kids? And I hand it to her, she did it well.  So what, people are just doing the same shit as they always have – paying money to watch her weird life unfold through a wide angle lens. People change their faces too quickly. Wasnt long ago she was being crucified for making racist taunts on prime time junk TV.

Just as always, soon as someones dead or dying the tossers slip out of the woodwork saying how great they were. ..just once Id like someone to come on TV and go, “Yeah Im glad that cunt’s dead, never could stand the fella.”

Anyway just dont be surprised when the Jade movie comes out – I give it 2 years, tops. Hmmm, actually, Pierce Brosnan would make a great Max Clifford.

fast food

Gutted me, I was gunna do some cutting edge video editing tonight but the dick head on ebay sent me the wrong  lead. I should get on the first plane to Hong Kong and beat his arse with a shitty stick. Took two weeks to get here as well, whats he been doing in that time, making Nike’s?

So instead Im looking at fast fast-food on youtube.

There some descent records on there, which I personally cant be bothered to try and beat. Maybe you feel differently.

But heres a bloke eating a BigSMacK in one mouthful. A bloke with a bad fake tan, E-17 gay chin beard and tight white v-neck. He’s fighting them ladies off with his fists.

Next up, meat the beast. There not really much I can say except watch and learn and love. …and great to see Steve Martin still has the magic.

Nice one. So next up comes that crazy nation with the big colourful graphics and shiny bowl hair cuts. Not the mongs, its the Japs! Those mental orientals are at it again showing us its not just what you eat and how you eat it. Its about aaaahso much more that. “Won Ton Soup Mush, Won ton Soup.”

And heres a picture used in an old Walmart Mural.

yes yes IM BACK.

Man, Im such a lazy bastard I cant quite take it in myself.

A three month hiatus but Tramps is back and feelin slinky stronger. Time for more of the same ya proper doyles.

Trying to catch up on whats happened in that time might be a tad roxy but just to try and bring you up to scratch; everyones favourite fatty, Bella Embug is dead and I got so wasted I took a shit in the kitchen.

And onwards..

7/11’s  from places where a common side order on the menu include stray dog & rice dont always have the appeal that they deserve. Up for grabs here is a tasty snack ready for your purchase. Ok so this choco box of delights wouldnt necessarily be served by the ambassodor at his parties, but I know Id like to have a sly nibble on D’asses.  Wouldnt we all?  Ive been told they actually  do taste like shit. Bum Bum  (Sorry, force of habit – I used to write for ‘Thats Life’ in the early 90’s).

Here’s something you dont see on Monday. A washed up wasted whale  wages not ont 2 tonne TNT torment.  Or as the commentator better puts it;

“…where the blast, blasted blubber beyond all reasonable bounds.”

Or as Kris Kross might have put it;

“Warm it up Chris, Im about to, warm it up Chris, cos thats what I was born to do.”

For dessert here’s a few mentalists doin what they do best…and breaking their backs in the process. Ellish crack with wheels n that mush. Fuckin tonkin it mate. Hope that wanker who I met in a pub a long time ago  was in that last one. The guy who interrupted conversation bragging his chunky gay Rolex was real…. and that “swear down mate” he’d gotten his cozzie up to 210 MPH on an ever so slight decline. What a tail.

Now watch this drive.

BNP Members Leaked

Well fuck me sideways  – someone’s been a bit careless eh.
Attached is full list of the members of the UK Racist Party *cough*, excuse me, I mean British National Party. Their name, address, telephone, interests..shoes size, the lot,…its all on there.
This was leaked earlier today and I’m guessing a few people are currently turning their pants brown. That is of course unless you live in the North East, in which case it’s business as usual.

My current favourite is a certain listed member from Scunthorpe. Not only an activist but also ‘Mobile DJ with singing partner, snakes & spiders’. He may want to incorporate a disappearing act in to his repertoire.

***NEWSFLASH: BNP members are being ‘targeted by threats’, they claim its all black mail.***

So I’ve taken the link down, hit the snooze button on the topic and declared it defunct. It’s just really fucking tedious now. Anyway, they’ve had more air time than they deserve so let’s just pick up the corner of that rug and sweep this silly mess out of sight. There we go, all gone.

I want some real news.

Wonder when the next three celebrities are going to die….you know they always die in 3’s, right?

pro-fanity

If, like me, you happen to work for the Gestapo then youll know its a proper cunt when you get your emails blocked just cos you happened to use a few terms which the masses feel are inappropriate. Well bollocks to that cos Ive got me hands on my work’s offensive list. Apparently these are all ‘weighing level 10′ (the highest level), which I guess is similar to ‘defcon one’ but without the real gay shit.

So join me in making sure your vocab if up to scratch. By the way, ‘Fuck’ is only a level 4…..

Abba-Dabba
Abo
AmeriKKKan
arse bandit
Beef-Curtain
Bushnigger
carpet muncher
Chili Shitter
chinaman (what the fuck!!?!?)
coon
cotton picker
cunt
dago
Dagowop
darkie
darky
dego
dothead (80’s as hell)
Ghetto Monkey
Goober (what the fucks a goober??!!)
Gook
Gyppo
Half Dick
Hebe
honkey
honky
Hooknose (ha!)
hymie
Jesus Killer
jew boy
Jew Killer
jungle bunny
Kaffer
Kaffir
kiddieporn
kike
kraut
kyke
lesbo
lezzie
motherfucka
motherfucker
nigga
nigger
paki
pedophile
pedophilia
pufter
raghead
Sambo
sand nigger
shirt lifter
shit stabber
sisterfucker
spic
spick
tar baby
wetback
white boy
white trash
whitey
whities
wog
wop
yid