G up there

The age old debate re those rouge headed devils popped on to my screen today in the form of this news story from last year. The headline? ‘Student beat up on ‘kick a ginger day”. Engrossing. It seems the Canadians are just as down with the g-force as us Brits.

doyle

 I had a ginger friend once….until I shot him. Im joking!! No really I do, I honestly do have ginger friends…..Well, I say ‘friends’, maybe thats the wrong word. Ok, now I serious,, I DO have a ginger friend –  I keep him locked up under the stairs. Ha ha ok ok, sorry, Im kidding…he’s in the shed. Come on, I wouldnt let a ginny in my flat now would I? Thats like when you invite a vampire in to your home – it renders you powerless.

Dont get me wrong here its obviously bad for anyone to discrimiate against a person purely based on the colour of their hair. But just look at this kid. I bet he gets his arse kicked everyday..wouldnt matter if he had black, brown or blonde hair. Wouldnt matter if he had a hoverboard for fucks sake. Kids know when they see a nancy boy piss face and thats all there is to it. He’s got that look in his eyes that says “Sir, I know who broke that window” or “Mummy Mummy, can we go shopping for my new school blazer” or “when I grow up, I want to touch kids”.

Actually, shit, he looks a lot like a young Simon Amstell…..he was a cunt too.

Anyways, I’ll leave you with the comment from ‘Josef Fritzl’ towards the bottom of that news story.

Josef Fritzl

Tue, Jan 13, 09 at 02:08 PM

I don’t see what the big deal is. They are only gingers, it’s not like they are people or anything. We should just sterilize all gingers and people who carry ginger genes, then after a generation the ginger problem would resolve itself.

Yep, more super hot shit music vids…

…and then Ill leave the subject alone for a while.

..(thats a blatent lie).

Yatta!

I couldnt post that last one without inluding this next shiny gem of the web vaults.

Are all Japanese people born with an inate persuasion to the ridiculous?

done

Why must I cry?

Why must I cry? Hmm, well…are we talking tears of sadness or tears of laughter here? It baffles me to the point of unrest that theres people out there who have so much confidence in themselves that they dont consider for one second that they may, in fact, just be completely pointless bastards.

So..sounding not unlike a cerebal palsy sufferer with a mouth full of mars bars, I give you Reh Dogg. Word.

done

The return of John Davidson

Thursday. 28th May. 9pm. BBC1

YES! YES! YES! YES! CUNT! YES! YES YES!! The legend himself returns. Good old Auntie are doing us proud once again with another installment of shock phonetics from the man who invented swearing. Im almost pissing my pants in anticipation here. Remember these:

“Mum, ya slut!”

“Hey big nose!”

“Jehovas!”

“”Fuckin’ Nescafe”

“HEY, nnnnn, Hey….FUCK…..*bark*..nnnnn…CUNT”

“‘D’ya want that piece of fish, Mum?

Just…nnnn…what will he CUNT FUCK say say say this time?! I cant fuckin wait. *ruff*

P.S. I wish they’d hurry up and make this.

Fantastic Fourskin

Straight out the dusty vaults of time come these next two clips from the unreleased 1994 version of ‘The Fantastic Four’ movie.

Looking not unlike a Ninja Turtle dusted in turd is Ben Grimm, or the one they call the ‘Thing’. And thats exactly how Id describe it aswell….cos it doesnt look like any thing your likely to see again. Dazzling. Somehow, uunderneath all that hi tech wizardry is a man so talented he somehow pushes acting boundaries to whole new level. Oscar? Maybe not. Bafta? Surely.

And here’s how it all ends. Ladies and gentlemen, nothing can prepare you for the final 30 seconds of this modern day special effects masterpiece. Even the likes of Ray Harryhausen would have been impressed with this shit. Do yourself a favour and fast forward to the wedding scene…..and that arm.

Ellish.

Its zee Chermans, Slim

Man I fuckin love this!

Here’s Eminem on his German leg of the publicity hike that is his new album. Pisses all over that Jonathan Ross arse kissing extraordinaire that was on the other night. The sausage munching bosh even has his own gliding stage and uber fantastic flashing arrow displays. Fuck you Rossy, you brown nosed nerd.

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Flush

I remember back to being in Amshhhterdam many years ago and seeing a toilet seat that actually span round 360 and cleaned itself. Then me mate went green and yacked all over the pavement outside.

Guess those crazy fuckers were well ahead of the game seeing as this next guy is positively over the moon at his newly found bum device. Just wait for the last line from the concerned parent though….

done

Shocking demonstration

Stop me if Im wrong here but there’s seriously nowt better than seeing a retarded hippy getting zapped to shit. Oh and Im guessing it was tad cold yeah?

done

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Its like the coach in Teenwolf says; you only need three rules in life and the rest is cream cheese:

1. never get less than twelve hours sleep.

2. never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city.

3. never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body.

Wise words but the he forgot to mention that ultimate faux par.  Dreadlocks + White person = MASSIVE cunt.

With that at the forefront of my thought process I went scouring the net for some evidence. And I found some. Quite a lot in fact. Then, as with most bored-shitless google search days, I got way too involved with the left mouse button and went on a wild adventure through clipper heaven. So go fix yourself a brandythen sit back down and relax as I take you through some of the most diabolical best barnets to ever grace a human scalp.