Monkey Magic

What are these crazy Japs up to this time you may wonder. “Aaaahso, rets ret a ronkey ron a regway!”

Special Needs Pets

Yes, I have been watching Channel 4 tonight. It’s come a long way since the days when I was 10 years old, sitting through hours of after-dark subtitled movies, in the vain hope of catching a glimpse of some tits. Now they have programming which highlights disabled pets and their even more disabled owners.

This next video is of ‘Faith’, the two-legged wonder hound, who was featured on tonights ‘Special Needs Pets’. 35 seconds in had me buckled over. Its the way he nonchalantly scurries past the camera without a care in the world that’s just so perfect. “What a lovely day. I’m just off to the shops, anyone want anything?”.

BNP Members Leaked

Well fuck me sideways  – someone’s been a bit careless eh.
Attached is full list of the members of the UK Racist Party *cough*, excuse me, I mean British National Party. Their name, address, telephone, interests..shoes size, the lot,…its all on there.
This was leaked earlier today and I’m guessing a few people are currently turning their pants brown. That is of course unless you live in the North East, in which case it’s business as usual.

My current favourite is a certain listed member from Scunthorpe. Not only an activist but also ‘Mobile DJ with singing partner, snakes & spiders’. He may want to incorporate a disappearing act in to his repertoire.

***NEWSFLASH: BNP members are being ‘targeted by threats’, they claim its all black mail.***

So I’ve taken the link down, hit the snooze button on the topic and declared it defunct. It’s just really fucking tedious now. Anyway, they’ve had more air time than they deserve so let’s just pick up the corner of that rug and sweep this silly mess out of sight. There we go, all gone.

I want some real news.

Wonder when the next three celebrities are going to die….you know they always die in 3’s, right?

Shakin’ Stephen Hawkins

Taking a break from all that scientific shit comes Stevie H with his brand new shingle..I mean single. Check it.

Skatebored

Heres someone with a lot of time on their hands..yeah, not me dickhead, the creators of this next classic.

pro-fanity

If, like me, you happen to work for the Gestapo then youll know its a proper cunt when you get your emails blocked just cos you happened to use a few terms which the masses feel are inappropriate. Well bollocks to that cos Ive got me hands on my work’s offensive list. Apparently these are all ‘weighing level 10′ (the highest level), which I guess is similar to ‘defcon one’ but without the real gay shit.

So join me in making sure your vocab if up to scratch. By the way, ‘Fuck’ is only a level 4…..

Abba-Dabba
Abo
AmeriKKKan
arse bandit
Beef-Curtain
Bushnigger
carpet muncher
Chili Shitter
chinaman (what the fuck!!?!?)
coon
cotton picker
cunt
dago
Dagowop
darkie
darky
dego
dothead (80’s as hell)
Ghetto Monkey
Goober (what the fucks a goober??!!)
Gook
Gyppo
Half Dick
Hebe
honkey
honky
Hooknose (ha!)
hymie
Jesus Killer
jew boy
Jew Killer
jungle bunny
Kaffer
Kaffir
kiddieporn
kike
kraut
kyke
lesbo
lezzie
motherfucka
motherfucker
nigga
nigger
paki
pedophile
pedophilia
pufter
raghead
Sambo
sand nigger
shirt lifter
shit stabber
sisterfucker
spic
spick
tar baby
wetback
white boy
white trash
whitey
whities
wog
wop
yid

Monkey rides motorbike

Check this fella out!! In jeans and jacket no less.

I could watch this all day long, no bother.

Fatties

We all know that in this current climate, a persons weight is becoming a cause for huge concern.

But that doesnt make it any less funny. Well, thats just as long as you dont get close and smell that old chicken fat on them. Always makes me gag. Worse still, get too close and theyll be looking at you like the big bad wolf in a cartoon – slowly turning in to some succulent roast chicken, rotating on a spit. Next thing theyre tearing you apart limb by limb and spicing you up with salt and pepper.

Paxman Rascal

You just cant wrte ths shit! Heres Paxman grllin Dizzee bout all tings political init. Awesome.

NEWS FLASH

News just in from the White House…

George Bush’s wallet is missing already